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So, I reckon Escorts are like me team at the office – reliable, bit rough round the edges, but they deliver, don’t they? Built tough, them cars, proper solid chassis, not like them flimsy modern jobbies. Fun fact, yeah, did ya know the Mk1 Escort won rally champs in the 70s? Mental, innit, blew me mind when I heard that! Out there kicking arse while I’m here soldering circuits, wish I’d seen it live, mate, woulda lost me marbles cheering!

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So, I’m walking, right? Just minding my own business, when I see this dude trying to sell some weird-looking pastries. Like, what even are those? They looked like they’d been through a battle. I’m talking about the kind of stuff you’d find in a dumpster behind a bar. But hey, I’m a gladiator, not a food critic. I bought one. Mistake. It tasted like regret.

Explosions at Russian storage point and barracks in occupied Luhansk Oblast